The closer I get to finishing school and entering adulthood, the more I wish I was somewhere else. Anywhere else, just not here. I mean, I have no future. I don't want to work, but I'm gonna have to get a job if I'm going to continue to live the kind of life I'm accustomed to. But I'm not good at anything except video games. And I don't want to make them, just play them. The only jobs I'm interested in; like tap-dancing, opera, theatre, being a musician, an actor, a writer, things like that, I have no talent or experience for. You can't pursue your interests without talent. You just fail and wind up even lower on the ladder of happiness and success.
I've tried to improve my improv skills, but when I get in front of people totally unprepared, I just fail. I'm too shy. Because I'm so shy, whenever I try out for plays, I give my weakest performance, making them think I'm no good, or that I'm shy, or both. I'm weird, so that if they would just give me the part, I'd practice weakly, but be bold on stage in the end. I'm just weird like that. If I'm well-rehearsed (my style), than in front of the real audience, I'm perfect. But you have to be perfect to begin with in order to get the part, and I never will be.
If only Dr. Who would come and take me to another world or time, or if I could somehow find Xanth, or gain a power or talent, would I be happy. I just want to leave this world, this time, these people, this sorrow. I wish every day for something like that to happen to me, but I'm still waiting; still in pain. I'm the oddly shaped piece that just doesn't fit into the puzzle of this world. And what do you do with the one piece that doesn't fit? You throw it out. No matter how hard that piece tries to change, it just can't, and no outside force can help, either. So everyday, when no magic or science fiction comes to save me, I am pushed down even further by my self-inflicted sorrow.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Black Butler
I finally finished Black Butler season 1. It was amazing. It touched me. The ending was magnificent; Sebastian finally ate Ciel's soul. It was stunningly magnificent.
The episode after that had a small blurb at the end suggesting that an off-shoot called Black Sushi Chef had been created, but I'm not sure if that is real. I've heard that Black Butler season 2 is about Ciel becoming a demon, but Netflix doesn't have it. I found it online, but it's not in english, just english subs. I hope that it is dubbed soon. I don't know of any other great anime shows in english. The search shall continue.
The episode after that had a small blurb at the end suggesting that an off-shoot called Black Sushi Chef had been created, but I'm not sure if that is real. I've heard that Black Butler season 2 is about Ciel becoming a demon, but Netflix doesn't have it. I found it online, but it's not in english, just english subs. I hope that it is dubbed soon. I don't know of any other great anime shows in english. The search shall continue.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
7 and 4 Intro
This is my new youtube series, the Adventures of 7 and 4! I hope to have some more episodes up in the next couple of weeks. And definitely one for Valentines Day. :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Weekend Anime and more
Over the weekend, I learned of the anime Princess Tutu, and now I can't stop watching it!
It's so silly and a little weird, but I think it's so much better than Sailor Moon. I wish I knew more of the Japanese culture and more anime shows.Wouldn't it be cool if we lived in an anime world? We could be animals or have wacky hair colors and it would be totally normal! Our lives would also be much better and adventurous. I could actually live out in the forest if I wanted to, or have magic powers; like flying or talking to animals! Oh, I'm so jealous of anime characters! ^_^
I started drawing anime, but I suck. :P I'm getting instructions from Manga Tutorials, but I just don't have the talent. Well, it's only been a week, another year or 2 and I should be ok. :) The hair is my biggest problem, but I'm also having trouble with the eyes, mouth, and nose. Basically everything. I haven't even thought about the body or clothes!! Yikes!
British Club is tomorrow, and I'm going to show Mulberry! He's so funny! "Giraffes are simply there." "Where? I don't see them." I made chocolate peanut butter cookies to bring since I can't really bring bangers and mash. ^_^
I'm not sure he likes me anymore. All the Truth or Dare stuff isn't working anymore, I can never get a game going. And he just kind of plays games on my iphone and talks about weird stuff to all of us. Well, more like argues, but still. ^_^ I think he was just in a "You like me, I'll pay attention to you for a while" phase. His brother sent him a message a few weeks ago that said, "Have you asked her the question yet?" and although no names were given, he tried to hide the message from me, so...I only caught part of his reply, "Not yet, I'm waiting until..." I didn't get the rest. But I think he is waiting for another party. At the last, my friends and him had so much fun playing Truth or Dare and wrestling him. ^_^ I'm hoping to have another party soon, so we'll see.
We went to the new location of the library, and it is amazing! The layout is so cool, and a lot of people must have agreed of it's amazingness, because it was packed! There were 2 self-checkout computers, and they were both full! People love reading! :D I got the print version of The Dreamer, but it didn't have much. I have the online version, so I can keep reading. I also got the third book of the Peter and the Starcatchers trio. Woohoo!! There was also a manga that looked really cool, Pixie, and it was the first book (which is rare at the library) so I snagged it. Not a clue what it's about, but dying to read it and study the drawings. ^_^
It's so silly and a little weird, but I think it's so much better than Sailor Moon. I wish I knew more of the Japanese culture and more anime shows.Wouldn't it be cool if we lived in an anime world? We could be animals or have wacky hair colors and it would be totally normal! Our lives would also be much better and adventurous. I could actually live out in the forest if I wanted to, or have magic powers; like flying or talking to animals! Oh, I'm so jealous of anime characters! ^_^
I started drawing anime, but I suck. :P I'm getting instructions from Manga Tutorials, but I just don't have the talent. Well, it's only been a week, another year or 2 and I should be ok. :) The hair is my biggest problem, but I'm also having trouble with the eyes, mouth, and nose. Basically everything. I haven't even thought about the body or clothes!! Yikes!
British Club is tomorrow, and I'm going to show Mulberry! He's so funny! "Giraffes are simply there." "Where? I don't see them." I made chocolate peanut butter cookies to bring since I can't really bring bangers and mash. ^_^
I'm not sure he likes me anymore. All the Truth or Dare stuff isn't working anymore, I can never get a game going. And he just kind of plays games on my iphone and talks about weird stuff to all of us. Well, more like argues, but still. ^_^ I think he was just in a "You like me, I'll pay attention to you for a while" phase. His brother sent him a message a few weeks ago that said, "Have you asked her the question yet?" and although no names were given, he tried to hide the message from me, so...I only caught part of his reply, "Not yet, I'm waiting until..." I didn't get the rest. But I think he is waiting for another party. At the last, my friends and him had so much fun playing Truth or Dare and wrestling him. ^_^ I'm hoping to have another party soon, so we'll see.
We went to the new location of the library, and it is amazing! The layout is so cool, and a lot of people must have agreed of it's amazingness, because it was packed! There were 2 self-checkout computers, and they were both full! People love reading! :D I got the print version of The Dreamer, but it didn't have much. I have the online version, so I can keep reading. I also got the third book of the Peter and the Starcatchers trio. Woohoo!! There was also a manga that looked really cool, Pixie, and it was the first book (which is rare at the library) so I snagged it. Not a clue what it's about, but dying to read it and study the drawings. ^_^
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I don't like school
I got sick yesterday and missed school. Not sure that was a good thing. Sure, it got me out of doing a day's worth of homework, but I missed talking to the few people I know. Now I have twice as much homework, and still in the "No homework!!!!" mood from break. Darn.
In choir, we were supposed to find three songs that we liked, but I didn't see any from Rigoletto. I only found one, and my friend wanted it, not me. The boys kept singing loudly and horribly during the search, much to my ears' dismay. And I'm scared of what songs the snobby girls are choosing, because last time, they sang a hideous song by "Justine Baby". *Shudder* Any male who sings like that isn't a male.
Even though I slept most of yesterday, I couldn't get to sleep last night. I remember being awake for at least an hour before looking at the clock, which said 5. And hour before I needed to get up. Great.
I was ignored by almost everyone today. Only one kid said "Oh, you're here today?" but he doesn't like me at all. Brandon asked about my break. He's nice, and I don't know why he talks to me (Even though it's about once a month). Naomi was just as sweet and loving as ever. She had purple shoes today, so I stole one. ^_^
On the bus home, Marcus had Super Monkey Ball on his iphone. He kept dying, so John took over a beat all the levels in the first world. It was great. :) We kept trading it around and only John managed to stay alive for more than 2 levels. ^_^ Marcus cut his hair, so I nicknamed him Fuzzy. Now I have Fluffy, and Fuzzy. Hooray!!! :D
In choir, we were supposed to find three songs that we liked, but I didn't see any from Rigoletto. I only found one, and my friend wanted it, not me. The boys kept singing loudly and horribly during the search, much to my ears' dismay. And I'm scared of what songs the snobby girls are choosing, because last time, they sang a hideous song by "Justine Baby". *Shudder* Any male who sings like that isn't a male.
Even though I slept most of yesterday, I couldn't get to sleep last night. I remember being awake for at least an hour before looking at the clock, which said 5. And hour before I needed to get up. Great.
I was ignored by almost everyone today. Only one kid said "Oh, you're here today?" but he doesn't like me at all. Brandon asked about my break. He's nice, and I don't know why he talks to me (Even though it's about once a month). Naomi was just as sweet and loving as ever. She had purple shoes today, so I stole one. ^_^
On the bus home, Marcus had Super Monkey Ball on his iphone. He kept dying, so John took over a beat all the levels in the first world. It was great. :) We kept trading it around and only John managed to stay alive for more than 2 levels. ^_^ Marcus cut his hair, so I nicknamed him Fuzzy. Now I have Fluffy, and Fuzzy. Hooray!!! :D
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