Outside Fear Trauma

 I've always been afraid of what others think of me. 

One of my biggest memories of why I think this is was about 5/6 grade. I was EXTREMELY tired one morning and DID NOT wanna get up/dressed/go to school. After arguing (read: yelling at me and not getting an acceptable response) with me, my mom finally said "Alright, then you're going to school like that." She promptly threw me outside and locked the door. 

I slept in only underwear, so I was essentially naked. I wasn't too 'OooOoOoOoo' about nakedness but I knew it was taboo and people could be watching me from around the neighborhood. So my Autistic self, in absolute fear starting screaming. Classic "child screaming at the top of their lungs fear" sound. Just begging my mom to let me back in the house instead of being trapped outside naked.

She eventually relented once she thought I'd learned my lesson. Now I'm terrified of going outside because what might the neighbors be thinking of me?

Spanking?

 Apparently not everyone got spanked/beat as a kid? I asked a coworker what age he was when he last got beat and he said never???

So....huh.

I remember still being spanked around 13-15. The biggest memory I have is my father grabbing a wooden spatula, following me upstairs, and spanking me with it as hard as he could. He'd only do 10 or 15 usually. This time the spatula broke halfway through. So he had to finish using his hand. 

And I had to be careful about my feet. Anytime I put my feet up to help protect myself he'd warn me to move them or they'd get hit. 

Not only that, the hit wouldn't count towards the original number so as my feet were stinging he'd finish the original count. 

....no one else had this? 

More thoughts on SIL's way of handling her trauma?

 SIL bullied family into doing a "Spread ashes of her father camping trip". This is the gist: her father wanted to be spread around a specific Sequoyah tree in the forest, but only my partner, I, her, and her daughter were there. Not everyone that she made go on the Camping Trip that started a day later. The specific tree had been cut off from the trail. The park closed the specific trail halfway through for maintenance. Ignoring the notice, we all went across and laid the ashes at the tree. I was nervous and also respectful that the three of them had known my FIL more than I had, so stayed out of the pictures they took. But later I learned that she had been excluding me the whole trip. So why the hell did she even let me come with them to the site? 

Wow

 Movies so silly

Top Secret - Why is Kilmer dressed like a Fallout character? XD

Blood fine, Needles NOPE

When I was probably 8, I got a large splinter stuck in my toe. I love running barefoot so get it stuck and apparently didn't get it out, so the skin grew over it.  

My parents said it was dangerous to leave in so they needed to get it out... with a sewing needle. 

They held me down and used the needle to cut/slice it out.  I was screaming bloody murder. 

I suppose they got it out eventually, but I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops. Afraid of needles to this day. Blood draws are a nightmare.