The closer I get to finishing school and entering adulthood, the more I wish I was somewhere else. Anywhere else, just not here. I mean, I have no future. I don't want to work, but I'm gonna have to get a job if I'm going to continue to live the kind of life I'm accustomed to. But I'm not good at anything except video games. And I don't want to make them, just play them. The only jobs I'm interested in; like tap-dancing, opera, theatre, being a musician, an actor, a writer, things like that, I have no talent or experience for. You can't pursue your interests without talent. You just fail and wind up even lower on the ladder of happiness and success.
I've tried to improve my improv skills, but when I get in front of people totally unprepared, I just fail. I'm too shy. Because I'm so shy, whenever I try out for plays, I give my weakest performance, making them think I'm no good, or that I'm shy, or both. I'm weird, so that if they would just give me the part, I'd practice weakly, but be bold on stage in the end. I'm just weird like that. If I'm well-rehearsed (my style), than in front of the real audience, I'm perfect. But you have to be perfect to begin with in order to get the part, and I never will be.
If only Dr. Who would come and take me to another world or time, or if I could somehow find Xanth, or gain a power or talent, would I be happy. I just want to leave this world, this time, these people, this sorrow. I wish every day for something like that to happen to me, but I'm still waiting; still in pain. I'm the oddly shaped piece that just doesn't fit into the puzzle of this world. And what do you do with the one piece that doesn't fit? You throw it out. No matter how hard that piece tries to change, it just can't, and no outside force can help, either. So everyday, when no magic or science fiction comes to save me, I am pushed down even further by my self-inflicted sorrow.
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