"She's so childish"
If by childish you mean able to have fun and enjoy life, yes. If by childish you mean immature and lacking, sure. But you are also childish. We all are. Ignoring me and purposely cutting me out of conversations sounds like something a middle-schooler would do. Telling others you didn't say anything to trigger me when I finally explode from the unfair prodding, it boosts your ego and image in their eyes. I understand this mentality, how it works to control others and then play the victim when they finally stand up. I understand the power and giddiness you feel when you cut me down. I am able to understand it because it has been used against me for many years, wearing me down and keeping me stuck in a mode of terror. It is true that I have difficulty thinking when in this mode and subsequently blackout and lash out, trying anything to protect myself only to end up hurting myself upon remembering going against my morals. But at least I feel ashamed of what I've done and who I've hurt. I am able to apologize and try to mend bridges. I am able to recognize what I need to work on for a future perceived "attack" and attempt to calm my fear.
I also wonder if maybe I let you get under my skin because I had gotten over my most recent trauma and needed a new one. I knew you'd be able to provide me with one.
"You don't call family a bitch"
You call out evil when you see it. I'm not calling you evil, it's a quote from an ancient book of wisdom, and it helps get the point across. But you absolutely call out family if they're being cruel, hurting people, or doing something immoral. If we don't, the sexists/rapists/physical and mental abusers of the family continue their behaviors. "No one calls me out, which means what I'm doing is fine and I feel good doing it."
"She's all Approve of me, approve of me"
In some ways I am. I'm not sure what made you think of that during this argument since nothing we said was about people liking other people. But yes, everyone, including me, seeks approval. And some who were neglected as a child have a harder time asking for it/not needing it. Most of the time I don't care if someone approves of me, especially if I dislike their morals/cruelty towards others. What does get under my skin is when they treat me as if I'm beneath them and spread lies about me.
"Sure I'm an asshole but an honest asshole"
You are honest in nothing but your need to control. You will talk civilly as long as the conversation is going your way. As soon as someone has a different opinion/actively disagrees, you dig in and shout louder. The loudest always wins. Usually because after a while everyone else gives up trying to reason with you, but you win nonetheless. And this confirms the fact that you are correct, you are on top, you are in control. If someone does not immediately cave into your demands you slowly bully them. You may talk to others about how you need this from the victim, you can't believe how selfish they are, you are very distraught. You may constantly call them and poke them until they are not longer able to resist your demands. And once you have what you want, you ignore them until they become useful to you again.
"She's codependent, what will she do when her partner isn't there? Her partner is enabling her, it's unhealthy for him but he seems to get off on it."
We are all codependent. Humanity needs connection. Sometimes there are those that are hurt in such a way that they need more connection than others. But we are all codependent, reliant on others. It may manifest as clinging to someone or even controlling those around you, keeping them close. I sometime wonder if maybe I am a little more codependent in some areas than others. But as they say, you must recognize your issues to work on them (There is also the saying that if you can ask yourself if you're crazy you most likely are not) and I am at least able to see my flaws and am able to work on them. I only hope you can one day work on yourself as well, if only for the mental health of your child, who you are guiding towards codependency yourself. My partner and I discuss our relationship openly and often. We recognize our flaws and are actively working on them. You may see it as codependency - something that harms and should be discarded - but we see it as support. We support each other through work ordeals, grief, disappointment, money, everything. A relationship is a partnership, constantly communicating and working together.
"We all have traumas, just deal with it."
Of course we all have traumas. Hurt people, hurt people. Ignorance of emotions, thoughts, morals, consequences, tolerance, these all continue the cycle of narrow mindedness and abuse. Some are more traumatized than others, no one knows what anyone else has been through. Even if it were a similar trauma, it may present differently. Those who have it may not know they are addled with it. They may not have the knowledge to help themselves. They may not have support. They may not be able to even leave their situation. But yes, you dealing with your controlling of others is quite easy and those who are crushed under you should be able to deal with it just as easily.
I actively wonder what you will do when your child becomes exactly like
me. Maybe not exactly, hopefully they have more support in their life
than I did in mine. There's a reason you remind me of my parent, because
you scream and control in the exact same way. Your child has started to put
others down, a way I used to act to feel like I had power, even if it
was cruel and hurtful. Your child has begun to cheat openly in games, a
sign that they are looking for a way to win in any situation because they cannot win in any with you. I am both triggered by your actions and projecting my life onto you and your child, seeing in them a younger me that I wish I could help heal, could give them the knowledge they need to work past their negative core beliefs and fight for themselves much earlier than I was able to.
I hope that your child and I work toward a brighter future and live for ourselves.
